Payback's a Bitch, Eh!

April 27^th,, 1813, the invading American forces attacked York (Now known as Toronto), the provincial capital of Upper Canada. They quickly overcame the lightly defended city but took heavy casualties when the Upper Canadians blew up their own munitions magazine. Over the next five days the American forces plundered York and before leaving, set fire to the Legislative buildings along with several others. (Battle of York, Toronto.com)

August, 24, 1814, an invading British force of about 4,000 approached Washington DC, stopping on the outskirts, they sent in a white flag with terms of surrender only to be fired on from windows. Still pissed about York, the British now entered Washington and burned the White House, the Capital building which housed the Library of Congress, the naval yards along with two warships before retreating. 

 

 

October 13, 2015, Day 1, the Cornell’s prepare to make plans to re-invade Washington.  What do you pack for an invasion? Baggage allowances have significantly changed since 1814 so we were somewhat limited in what we could bring. To avoid those extra baggage fees we limited ourselves to carry on, so some things had to be left behind.

 

 

A 10 minute moving sidewalk through the new tunnel to Toronto Airport, 90 minute Porter Airlines flight, a 15 minute bus ride and a final 10 minute commuter train ride found us at our safe house just 30 minutes by commuter train from Washington. The location is inexpensive and perfect for sorties into Washington so  before we leave, we will definitely make reservations for the invasion.  

Day 2, disguised as tourists, we boarded the train for our first incursion into Washington. Our goal was to infiltrate several Smithsonian Museums. What better place than there to learn more about the enemy. Based on our experience we armed ourselves with a high interest credit card, ready to pay those crazy entrance fees charged by museums. Hah, those silly Americans, they don’t charge any entrance fees.  

 

The Air and Space Museum seem to be the best place to start.  It was here we got our first sense that perhaps our planned invasion of Washington would face a few hurdles. The museum was filled with significant fire power. Four intercontinental ballistic missiles to start with. Thats four more than we could bring to bear.

 

 

 Don't get me started on their space hardware.

Our next stop, the Museum of American History where they were advertising a new exhibition called American Innovation. Threre was no weaponary on display today but we did discover that American innovation has produced cheese whiz, dental floss, potato chips, vacuum cleaners, mousetraps, fortune cookies, deodorant and my favourite, the remote control.

 

 

 

Any successful invasion requires good intelligence. Yulia, a member of our extended Harbin family has been living in Virginia just outside of Washington for a couple of years so we suborned her into helping us.

 

 

A successful infiltration requires good transportation so we jumped on the train out to her home. We were also able to to carry out a recon of  the Pentagon as we needed to change buses there.  It is becoming clear that using public transit will allow us to save a bundle on transportation when we do invade.   No pictures allowed here.                                    

Day 3, we were up early, into Washington for a clandestine breakfast meeting of waffles whipped up by our mole before she dropped us off downtown. The Capital building has grown since it was last invaded in 1814. Our much anticipated first sight of the grand dome was badly marred as it was completely hidden behind scaffolding leaving only our imagination to finish the picture.

Next, we infiltrated the U.S. Supreme Court as it was just next door. Over its entrance is etched the motto “Equal Justice Under Law”, a motto for all of us to live by.

 

 

 

 

There were some people outside who seem to feel the motto should be “Equal Justice Under Law For Some”. Would they be interested in joining our cause?  Nah, probably not a good fit given  our current acceptance of same sex marriage!

 

 

 

 

 

  

From here, we headed out for a recon of The Mall. We discovered that The Mall, is not a mall. No Gap, Tommy Hilfiger Cheese Barn or Victoria Secrets to shop, just a large square cement pond well stocked with pennies.

 

Any good recon should be carried out from the highest point available. The Washington Monument seemed like a good choice.  We arrived too late for the FREE daily admission tickets.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So we stealthly and surrpeticiously moved on to the Lincoln Memorial the next highest point on the mall.

 

 

 

 

We dropped by the White House. According to the very big security guard, we had just missed Barack, but he would surely let the President know we had dropped by. Perhaps they suspected that our visit had more sinister motives. Two very expensive drinks on a lovely hotel patio near the White House and we planned our nefarious deeds for the next day.

Day 4 started with a stroke of luck, our intel had uncovered the existence of “The Spy Museum". We quickly added it to our must infiltrate list. How could we not pass up the opportunity to see the latest espionage technology. But alas the opportunity came with a catch, an admission fee. We plopped down our tution fee for a 1 hour secret agent training mission. Failed miserably. Another flaw in our invasion planning.

A visit to the Ford Theatre was next on our list. Not to further our plans but to honour a fallen and respected hero.  The theatre, where Lincoln was assassinated has been eerily and meticulously recreated inside the original building. A Park Ranger provides a compelling narrative around the assassination while we listened and stared up at the infamous balcony.

 A visit to Old Town, Alexandria seemed like  perfect R & R. Filled with 100-200 year old architecture populated by restaurants, cafes, pubs and boutiques, Niagara on the Lake, only on steroids. Here, we witnessed the last vestiges of Hurricane Joaquin. It had not rained that much in the DC area, but the storm had filled many of the tributaries feeding into the Delaware causing some minor flooding. 

Day 5 and it was time to head home with just one more stop before the airport.  There was one more Smithsonian Museum to visit, conveniently located near the airport. Once again, no entrance fee but parking set us back $15.00. A second air and space museum and it was here that our thoughts of another invasion of Washington were dashed, forever to be forgotten. 

 

 It was very clear that it would be better to let bygones be bygones than wake the sleeping giant.

 

 

 

It has been 200 years of peace with the   occasional spirit of cooperation. 

 

 

 

But we may want to revisit the situation again in another 200 years.